


One time Zach thought he was gay, three times he thought he wasn’t and one time he knew he was

by pairatime



Category: Shelter (2007)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 15:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4672460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pairatime/pseuds/pairatime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zach thinks about being gay through out his life before Shaun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One time Zach thought he was gay, three times he thought he wasn’t and one time he knew he was

**Author's Note:**

> smallfandomfest Shelter: Zach, four times Zach wondered if he might be gay and the time he knew for certain that he was (could involve Shaun)

The first time Zach wondered if he was gay was when he was eight years old.

He had been playing outside at recess with the other kids when one of them called him a queer when he missed catching the kick ball. He’d run after it then kicked it over to Justin but it went the wrong way, he was called sissy, fag and gay. But he didn’t know what any of these words meant. He yelled back at Justin calling him a turd and a bed wetter but he didn’t use the other words he needed to know what they meant first.

Later that night Zach was out front of the store his mother worked at sitting at one of the tables, drawing on the table. His dad was at home resting his back. Jeanie was somewhere doing something and his mom was almost off work.

He was just finished his star, a well drawn star with all the color inside the lines, when his mother sat down next to him.

“That’s a great star Zach”

“It’s yours mommy,” Zach offered.

“Thank you, that’s so sweet.”

“Mommy?”

“Yes Zach?”

“I’m I gay?” Zach asked looking up at his mother.

“I don’t know honey, are you?”

“What does gay mean?”

“It means happy. Gay means happy but most people just say happy.”

“Okay mommy,” Zach said as he picked up his markers.

That was the day Zach first decided he was gay, some of the time.

***

It wasn’t until he turned nine that he learned that gay had a different meaning as well.

It was at school again and when Justin told him he was gay Zach said sometimes yeah. He didn’t understand why Justin and his friends kept beating him up, kicking and punching him just because he was happy some times.

They stopped when Gabe, one of the other kids showed up; Gabe helped him to the nurse. After giving Zach a cold pack the nurse left them together to go to the office to call his mother.

“You shouldn’t tell people you’re gay.”

“He asked,” Zach told Gabe as he tried to hold the cold pack to his arm.

“You still shouldn’t tell people that, it will only get you beat up more.”

“For being happy? That just isn’t fair what did I do to them?”

“Happy? They did it because you said you were gay.”

“And that means happy…right?” Zach asked looking over at Gabe, Zach wondered if his mom had been wrong. He knew that happened. Sometimes…

“Dude! Gay means you like guys, like want to kiss them an’ all.”

“Eww, no” Zach said knowing he didn’t like that at all.

“Cool, then quite saying you’re gay dude.”

“I won’t, I don’t want to kiss you ick,” Zach said and meant it, he didn’t want to kiss Gabe or any guy, or any one at all.

***

The third time Zach really thought about being gay was when he was 14. He still thought kissing anyone wasn’t worth the time or every much fun so he never did it. But everyone else was kissing and had girlfriends but not him.

At first it was simple teasing about not having a girl, not being able to get one, being too shy, but over a few months the jokes got more and more pointed, even Gabe was making them off and on.

The problem was he didn’t like most girls. They cared about hair and shopping and were just weird and annoying. What he needed was a girl that was more like a guy. One he could talk to about surfing and art and stuff like that but there just wasn’t too many of them out there.

Thinking about it later wanting a girl like a guy should have told him something. But for a couple of days he though about all the people he knew that fit with that he wanted in a women, most of them were guys until he remembered Tori.

He asked her out the next day.

***

Zach didn’t really thing about it again until he was 19. The year Shaun’s book came out.

When he first saw it he grabbed it more out of loyally to Gabe and his brother then any real desire to read it. And he didn’t for almost a month. It sat with a stack of art books until one night when Cody was asleep and Zach was bored not really feeling like doing his art. He dug out the book and started to read it.

The story wasn’t bad and Zach was even getting into it until Michael, the lead, kissed Lance, the victim’s brother. That’s when Zach shut the book fast and hard in shock. So fast and hard it woke Cody and it took Zach almost half an hour to get Cody back to sleep, tucked into his bed.

After Cody was back to bed Zach looked back to the book. He had liked Michael and found it easy to relate with Lance. And now they were, they had…they seemed so normal, like anyone else but they weren’t. They were different.

Was Shaun? He wrote this after all, was he different, gay? Shaun was normal, cool even, he helped him and Gabe sneak beer and other stuff. He was the cool older brother; he couldn’t be gay, could he?

Maybe they weren’t, maybe it was a plan to find out who was killing Lance’s family. Zach kept that thought in his mind until he turned the last page only to find out it wasn’t a plot to out the killer, but a plot to live happily every after, or until the next book anyways.

Could such normal people be gay? Lance was a lot like himself and Lance was…but that was only in a book, only could happen in a book.

***

They’d kissed. He had kissed a guy.

Zach was 22 when he thought about if he was gay again, and again Shaun was part of it.

He didn’t know what to think. Tori had left him because he wasn’t there, and if he was honest he wasn’t. She was a friend but that was all she was really. She wanted more but he didn’t seem able to give her that, no matter how much he tied, no matter how much he wanted to. He couldn’t be she wanted what she wanted, what she deserved.

Was he gay? Was that why? No one had even made him feel the way Shaun did, no one other than his mother had supported him like Shaun. Was that love? Was that what it was like? Should be? Should have always felt like?

Zach gave the bridge one last look before driving to Shaun place. Later all he would really remember from that night was passion and heat. Everything else was a blur but he remembered the morning after. It was as clear as any day. It answered his question.

Yes, he was with Shaun.  
Yes, he was happy.


End file.
